A phrase that is heard with some frequency in feminist environments is that of “how happy I was before thinking like that!” . Happy, quiet … with that innocence that ignorance gives on certain issues. With that distance to the commitment that made us less indignant, that we pay less attention to what was happening around us.
Feminism is necessary. The struggle for equality in a still manifestly unequal society is almost an obligation. And no committed woman should suffer for being. Feminism should only serve to make us happier , to give back what belongs to us without taking away a bit of happiness. And maybe following some advice we can get it.
What if we leave the past in the past?
The review of the past and the recognition of those who have allowed us to get here is fundamental. But going over can hurt . Because, with the passing of a few decades (let’s not talk about centuries), no great historical person will pass the strict examination of purple glasses.
The world and thought are constantly evolving (thankfully!) And even we, the current feminist thought, however progressive it may seem now, will probably be judged as macho in two or three hundred years. Do not judge the past as if it were present can serve, at least, to not go crazy reviewing each moment or character of the story.
Fiction is fiction
And that does not justify selling us sexist fiction as if they were acceptable or romantic behaviors, for example. But we can not lose sight of the fact that literature or movies have been nourished by fantastic villains , who have made it bigger. And, luckily, we almost all consider villains as villains.
But it is not the same to enjoy a fiction as to approve its ideology. Or do we have spent years hooked on Dexter means we admire the psychopathic murderers? Do we want to become narco-terrorists after three seasons of Narcos ? Well, in machismo … same . Because nobody wants to live in a world where pedophilia is acceptable in real life, but it does not sound too good a world in which Lolita would never have existed.
Boycott only as much as we want
And do it with companies that widen the wage gap or with political parties that do not include equality policies, for example. But do we really have to get a list of films produced by Harvey Weinstein to never see any again? Stop watching House of Cards for what Kevin Spacey did ? Do not go back to enjoy a Woody Allen movie?
Each one will put the barrier where it seems acceptable. To us. Individually. And, if we love Extremoduro, do not swear that we will never hear it again because Putaand Golfa are two of his greatest hits. Or, if we want to see Annie Hall , do it without blushing .
Enjoy every little victory
When there is so much (so much) work to be done to achieve equality, it is easy for victories to leave us with the bitter aftertaste that we are still far from the goal. The world evolves little by little and we are not going to achieve total equality from one day to the next (although we would love it).
Let’s enjoy those victories that so many times seem small to us. But let’s really enjoy them. Savoring the effort that has involved getting them. And, the next day, let’s go back to the fight for the next victory . But with the certainty that we will enjoy it when it arrives.
Pride in the playful side of feminism
No, we are not bitter ladies with a permanent frown. In fact, we sympathize with those who think we are like that. Committing ourselves to a common cause has made us meet new people, make friends with whom we share ideals, commit ourselves in a sorority that a few years ago would seem to us a utopia.
Not all of us learn or become aware at the same pace. And it’s great that each day we are less tolerant of machismo, but also it is to be understanding with the small advances. Neither we all have the same age or come from the same social or cultural environment. And perhaps it is better to have a “you do not need a man to be happy” on the part of a grandmother than a much more advanced gesture on the part of a millennial girl .
And the same goes for men. It is evident that the experience of feminism is experienced differently as a woman than as a man. And surely many would be willing to compromise if they understood our struggle better. Better to explain our position and assume that they will understand it more slowly than we would have to consider that they are all machistas to keep on the sidelines.
Learn from our past, do not be ashamed
Let’s look back. Have we always been feminists? Surely not. Especially if we already have an age. For what we said before that the world changes day by day and today we get scared (again, luckily) with things that a few years ago seemed normal to us. To be ashamed of what we were is a way of hurting us too much for free. Better to learn from that, from mistakes that we will not repeat and teachings that we take to show the generations that are coming.
Sleep quietly, knowing that we have contributed our bit
From big gestures to small changes. From the large mobilizations or strikes to that macho comment that we shame a co-worker. It all adds up. We all add up. And, when we get into bed every night, we better sleep peacefully knowing that we have done what we could to achieve equality than to torture ourselves thinking about all that remains to be done. Reach. Between everyone. Letting feminism make us happy and not steal a vital experience from us .